Alright, not true - you caught me.
But I do give them plenty of examples of sarcasm to use in their promotional materials.
On a more serious note, National Sarcasm Society crown notwithstanding, I wanted to share a bit of my very real realization about the power of words when employed to slice and dice like a Ginsu.
As the sands of time seem to have boarded a bullet train lately, I've noticed that my concern over the words I use has dramatically shifted.
Whereas I used to be the captain of the "S.
" (Sarcastic Wit, Atomic Tongue) team, I have now discovered the power of wounding with words.
These wounds linger whilst broken bones heal relatively quickly and are soon forgotten.
Think of that, for a second.
If you were to pass from present tense into past tense - and all of us make that transition - then what would remain with the folks you leave behind? Two things, really: your words and your deeds.
What you've done and said will linger in the heart and minds of those that are left in the wake.
It doesn't matter that you were well-intentioned, either.
So: how will you be remembered? Hopefully not as king of the National Sarcasm Society! What will echo through the ears of your kids, friends and family when you're a historical figure? You may not want to think of things in such permanent categories, but someone needs to tell it like it is.
It may as well be me.
Now, read this next paragraph very carefully.
When my dad made the transition from "is" to "was," it was the singularly hardest day of my life.
Do you know what made that day such a bleak event? It wasn't the food.
That was fantastic.
No, the difficulty lay in the fact that I'd left so much unsaid.
Here are some things I wish my dad had heard more from me:
- I'm sorry, dad.
- I was wrong.
- I'm proud of you, dad.
- I forgive you, dad - do you forgive me?
- I love your black socks off.
I'm not sure if they were actually navy blue, either.
Heck, they could have been white, but really dirty...
I wish he'd heard that from me, too.
"Change your socks, dad!" There are plenty of things dad did for us, style just wasn't one of them.
He had a wonderful sense of humor, and all the examples of sarcasm that pepper my life and thinking came from his mind.
Part of my problem is trying to keep his memory alive with my sharp tongue.
Look, the point of this article is to illustrate that we have only a very brief life under the sun.
It's a short opportunity to make the most of our words.
Chew on that before you open your flame-thrower full of scathing words and pull the trigger to loose examples of sarcasm that the National Sarcasm Society would wince at.